{ "schema": "bumis-network/catalog@1", "site": { "host": "datingagainafterdivorce.com", "name": "Dating Again After Divorce", "description": "Organized by where you are in the process, not by how fast anyone thinks you should move.", "audience": "divorce" }, "publisher": { "name": "BUMIS", "url": "https://getbumis.com", "description": "BUMIS: Your Dating Mirror. Not a dating app, an app for your dating life." }, "articles": [ { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/anxiety-or-intuition-after-divorce/", "title": "Is it anxiety or intuition, after the way my marriage ended?", "summary": "If the feeling points at something this person actually did and stays steady when you're calm, treat it as intuition and ask about it. If it's a general alarm that says 'don't miss it this time', it's more likely the end of your marriage talking. After a divorce you didn't see coming, the signs look obvious only in hindsight, and the vigilance that follows can mistake ordinary moments for warnings.", "section": "dating-again", "author": "Tracy G.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/anxiety-or-intuition-after-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "Hindsight is not equal to foresight: the effect of outcome knowledge on judgment under uncertainty", "url": "https://psnet.ahrq.gov/issue/hindsight-foresight-effect-outcome-knowledge-judgment-under-uncertainty", "publisher": "Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality PSNet (Baruch Fischhoff, Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance)", "date": "1975", "supports": "Receiving outcome knowledge increased how likely people judged that outcome to have been, and changed which details they saw as relevant. People were largely unaware of this effect and overestimated what they would have known without being told the outcome." }, { "title": "Women Are More Likely to Initiate Divorce, But Not Dating Breakups", "url": "https://www.livescience.com/51950-women-tend-to-initiate-divorces.html", "publisher": "Live Science, reporting research by Michael Rosenfeld (Stanford University)", "date": "2015-08", "supports": "In the How Couples Meet and Stay Together survey, 2,262 adults aged 19 to 64 with opposite-sex partners in 2009 were followed to 2015; women initiated 69% of the 92 divorces, with no significant gender difference for nonmarital breakups." }, { "title": "Threat-related attentional bias in anxious and nonanxious individuals: a meta-analytic study", "url": "https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17201568/", "publisher": "Psychological Bulletin (Bar-Haim and colleagues)", "date": "2007", "supports": "A meta-analysis of 172 studies (2,263 anxious and 1,768 nonanxious participants) found that anxious people reliably pay more attention to threat-related information (effect size d = 0.45), including stimuli outside awareness; the bias was not observed in nonanxious people." }, { "title": "Analyzing Negative Experiences Without Ruminating: The Role of Self-Distancing in Enabling Adaptive Self-Reflection", "url": "https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/items/006027bd-fae1-43c2-a8d9-36f507cf6c1c", "publisher": "University of Michigan Deep Blue (Ethan Kross and Ozlem Ayduk)", "date": "2010", "supports": "Laboratory experiments indicate that analyzing feelings about negative experiences from a self-distanced perspective (a fly on the wall) rather than a self-immersed one leads to less emotional and physiological reactivity in the short term and buffers against the negative outcomes linked to rumination over time." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/how-to-stop-being-jealous/", "title": "How do I stop being jealous?", "summary": "You usually can't switch the feeling off, but you can stop letting it run the show. Notice it, sort what you actually know from what you're afraid of, and turn the fear into one honest sentence instead of a search.", "section": "patterns", "author": "Daniel J.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-01", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/how-to-stop-being-jealous/", "sources": [ { "title": "Multidimensional Jealousy", "url": "https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/026540758900600203", "publisher": "Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (SAGE)", "date": "1989", "supports": "Pfeiffer and Wong describe romantic jealousy as three separate components: cognitive (suspicious thoughts about a partner's possible infidelity), emotional (how upset you feel in jealousy-provoking situations) and behavioral (checking and protective actions). Emotional jealousy was positively related to love, while cognitive jealousy was negatively related to love." }, { "title": "Jealousy and Relationship Closeness: Exploring the Good (Reactive) and Bad (Suspicious) Sides of Romantic Jealousy", "url": "https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2158244013476054", "publisher": "SAGE Open", "date": "2013-02", "supports": "Attridge surveyed 229 college students in dating relationships with the Multidimensional Jealousy Scale. Emotional (reactive) jealousy came out as mostly 'good' and tied to closeness, cognitive (suspicious) jealousy as 'bad', and behavioral jealousy was associated with few measures." }, { "title": "Jealousy and the threatened self: Getting to the heart of the green-eyed monster", "url": "https://pure.gonzaga.edu/p/en/research-outputs/ldabd7jkhpzg-9952c06c-7da0-4b7c-b867-bbd8175070b7", "publisher": "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (DeSteno, Valdesolo and Bartlett)", "date": "2006", "supports": "In two lab experiments that evoked jealousy through staged social encounters, threatened self-esteem functioned as a principal mediator of jealousy." }, { "title": "The Price of Distrust: Trust, Anxious Attachment, Jealousy, and Partner Abuse", "url": "https://connect.springerpub.com/content/sgrpa/6/3/298", "publisher": "Partner Abuse (Springer Publishing; Rodriguez, DiBello, Overup and Neighbors)", "date": "2015", "supports": "In a cross-sectional study of 261 people in committed relationships, attachment anxiety moderated the link between trust and jealousy: anxiously attached people reported much higher cognitive and behavioral jealousy when their trust was lower, and were more likely to snoop through a partner's belongings." }, { "title": "Adult Attachment and Personality as Predictors of Jealousy in Romantic Relationships", "url": "https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9039013/", "publisher": "Frontiers in Psychology (via PubMed Central)", "date": "2022", "supports": "In 847 participants, higher neuroticism, lower agreeableness and lower openness predicted more romantic jealousy, and anxiety about being abandoned partly carried the effect of neuroticism. Comfort with closeness was not related to jealousy. The links did not differ by gender, relationship status or past infidelity experiences." }, { "title": "It's Not Just Lunch: Extra-Pair Commensality Can Trigger Sexual Jealousy", "url": "https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3394702", "publisher": "PLoS ONE (Kniffin and Wansink, Cornell University)", "date": "2012", "supports": "Participants rated hypothetical scenarios in which a current partner had contact with an ex. Sharing a meal drew more jealousy than face-to-face contact without eating, such as having coffee, for both men and women." }, { "title": "More information than you ever wanted: does Facebook bring out the green-eyed monster of jealousy?", "url": "https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19366318/?dopt=Abstract", "publisher": "CyberPsychology and Behavior (Muise, Christofides and Desmarais, University of Guelph)", "date": "2009", "supports": "In a survey of 308 university students, more time on Facebook was associated with more jealousy in romantic relationships. The authors describe a feedback loop: seeing ambiguous information prompts more monitoring, which turns up more jealousy-provoking information." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/insecure-in-relationship-after-divorce/", "title": "Why do I feel so insecure in my relationship after divorce?", "summary": "Because divorce shakes several things at once: your trust in your own judgment, your place in your kids' lives, and the comfort of a relationship with no ex in it. After divorce, a new partner comes with co-parenting texts, a history to compare yourself with, and children who may take their time. Insecurity usually gathers around those pressure points, and naming which one is pressing helps more than more reassurance.", "section": "dating-again", "author": "Michelle V.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/insecure-in-relationship-after-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "Trust in relationships: a preliminary investigation of the influence of parental divorce, breakup experiences, adult attachment style, and close relationship beliefs on dyadic trust", "url": "https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1260480/pdf", "publisher": "Frontiers in Psychology (Yılmaz, Lajunen and Sullman)", "date": "2023-11", "supports": "In a study of 131 Turkish undergraduate students, respondents whose parents had divorced or who had experienced a breakdown of their own romantic relationship had lower dyadic trust scores than those without these experiences." }, { "title": "Remarriage and boundary work with former spouses (interpretative phenomenological analysis), Family Relations abstract", "url": "https://ifp.nyu.edu/2026/journal-article-abstracts/fare-70266/", "publisher": "Family Relations, abstract via NYU Silver Information for Practice", "date": "2026", "supports": "Interviews with eight remarried adults in Türkiye aged 30 to 50, married 5 years or less, each with at least one child from a previous marriage: coparenting and ties with former spouses required ongoing boundary work." }, { "title": "Patterns of Stepchild-Stepparent Relationship Development", "url": "https://scholars.unh.edu/famstud_facpub/45", "publisher": "Journal of Marriage and Family (Ganong, Coleman and Jamison), via University of New Hampshire Scholars' Repository", "date": "2011-04", "supports": "Grounded theory study identifying six patterns of stepparent-stepchild relationship development: accepting as a parent, liking from the start, accepting with ambivalence, changing trajectory, rejecting, and coexisting." }, { "title": "Children of divorced parents do not necessarily turn into maladjusted monsters, Christy Buchanan found", "url": "https://timeshighereducation.com/node/96527", "publisher": "Times Higher Education, reporting Buchanan, Maccoby and Dornbusch, Adolescents After Divorce", "date": "n.d.", "supports": "Adolescents who experienced loyalty conflicts (feeling caught between parents, for example carrying messages, being questioned about the other home, or hearing one parent disparage the other) were more depressed and more likely to have behavior problems than those who did not." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/losing-interest-or-the-divorce-talking/", "title": "Is the person I'm dating losing interest, or is it my divorce talking?", "summary": "Often it's a bit of both: your marriage taught you what a slow fade looks like, and that lesson can fire on a quiet week. Sort what this person is actually doing over a month from the old film your history is playing, then ask them directly instead of grading them against your ex.", "section": "dating-again", "author": "Daniel J.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/losing-interest-or-the-divorce-talking/", "sources": [ { "title": "Marital researchers now can predict not only which couples will divorce, but when they will split", "url": "https://www.washington.edu/news/2000/09/11/marital-researchers-now-can-predict-not-only-which-couples-will-divorce-but-when-they-will-split/", "publisher": "University of Washington News, reporting John Gottman and Robert Levenson", "date": "2000-09", "supports": "Gottman and Levenson followed 79 couples for 14 years starting in 1983; 22 couples (28%) divorced. Couples whose conflicts escalated into sustained negative emotion tended to divorce around 5.6 years in, while couples who disengaged emotionally tended to divorce around 16.2 years in; a lack of positive emotion predicted later divorce." }, { "title": "Huston and colleagues, Current Directions in Psychological Science 2001: disillusionment in early marriage and later divorce", "url": "https://www.psychologicalscience.org/journals/current-directions/1467-8721.00129/", "publisher": "Current Directions in Psychological Science (Association for Psychological Science), Ted Huston and colleagues", "date": "2001", "supports": "Drawing on a long-term study of newlywed couples, disillusionment (an abatement of love, a decline in overt affection, a lessening of the conviction that one's spouse is responsive, and an increase in ambivalence) distinguished couples headed for divorce from those who formed a stable marriage." }, { "title": "Separations of romantic relationships are experienced differently by initiators and noninitiators", "url": "https://ideas.repec.org/a/nas/journl/v119y2022pe2020901119.html", "publisher": "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (Max Brüning), via IDEAS/RePEc", "date": "2022", "supports": "Separation trajectories differed by who initiated: initiators' subjective well-being improved after separation, while non-initiators experienced significant short-term losses in subjective well-being, from which they recovered in the long run." }, { "title": "Who Am I Without You? The Influence of Romantic Breakup on the Self-Concept", "url": "https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167209352250", "publisher": "Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (Slotter, Gardner and Finkel)", "date": "2010", "supports": "After a breakup, people showed reduced self-concept clarity (a hazier sense of who they are), and a significant amount of the distress people felt after a relationship ended was predicted by that self-concept confusion." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/love-or-fear-of-another-divorce/", "title": "Do they really love me, or am I just afraid of another divorce?", "summary": "You can't get proof of anyone's love, and after a divorce the hunt for proof is often the fear of going through it again. Treat them as two separate questions: what this person does over time, and what your marriage taught you to brace for. The second one is yours to work on, whatever the answer to the first.", "section": "what-you-are-carrying", "author": "Christine M.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/love-or-fear-of-another-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "Low self-esteem can ruin a relationship", "url": "https://www.buffalo.edu/ubreporter/archive/vol35/vol35n1/articles/SelfEsteem.html", "publisher": "UB Reporter, University at Buffalo, reporting Sandra Murray's research", "date": "2003-08", "supports": "People with lower self-esteem consistently underestimate how much their partners love them and how positively their partners see them, even though their partners are just as loving; the challenge is construing conflicts and slights in ways that protect a sense of security in the partner's love." }, { "title": "The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children", "url": "https://www.scinapse.io/papers/2167768790", "publisher": "Journal of Marriage and Family (Paul R. Amato), via Scinapse", "date": "2000-11", "supports": "Review using a divorce-stress-adjustment perspective: divorced adults on average have more mental and physical health problems than married adults, but people vary greatly; divorce benefits some, brings a temporary dip for others, and puts others on a lasting downward path." }, { "title": "Number, Timing and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 2016 (press release)", "url": "https://www.census.gov/newsroom/press-releases/2021/marriages-and-divorces.html", "publisher": "U.S. Census Bureau", "date": "2021-04", "supports": "Report based on the 2016 American Community Survey and 2014 SIPP: most people who had ever divorced were currently married; most men and women remarry within five years of divorce, though that share has declined since 1950." }, { "title": "More Than Words: Reframing Compliments From Romantic Partners Fosters Security in Low Self-Esteem Individuals", "url": "https://sparq.stanford.edu/sites/g/files/sbiybj19021/files/media/file/marigold_et_al._2007_-_more_than_words.pdf", "publisher": "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Marigold, Holmes and Ross), via Stanford SPARQ", "date": "2007", "supports": "In 3 studies, people with low self-esteem who were asked to describe the broad meaning and significance of a partner's compliment felt more positive about the compliment, themselves and the relationship (as positive as people with high self-esteem); effects were still evident 2 weeks later, and they became less likely to lash out at partners." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/new-partner-acting-distant/", "title": "Why is my new partner acting distant?", "summary": "You can't know without asking, and when your partner is divorced too, the list of possibilities is long: a flare-up with their ex, a child struggling with you being around, old hurts from their own marriage, plain overload, or a real change of heart. Ask once, calmly, about them, not about your marriage's old argument.", "section": "patterns", "author": "Anthony R.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/new-partner-acting-distant/", "sources": [ { "title": "Former Spouse Ties and Postdivorce Relationship Quality: Relationship Effort as a Mediator", "url": "https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/facpub/4396", "publisher": "Brigham Young University ScholarsArchive", "date": "n.d.", "supports": "In a study of 1,546 individuals in postdivorce romantic relationships, unresolved issues and negative interactions with an ex-spouse were negatively associated with current relationship quality, and effort put into the current relationship showed promise in mediating that negative association." }, { "title": "Helpful Strategies to Deal with Ex-partners in Remarriages", "url": "https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/strategies-to-deal-with-ex-partners-in-remarriages.php", "publisher": "Utah State University Extension", "supports": "Building a new marital relationship when an ex-partner is still in the picture takes patience, commitment and hard work; the nature of the relationship with the ex-partner impacts the relationships with children and the new spouse." }, { "title": "Stepchildren relate to stepparents based on perceived benefits, stepparents' behaviors, MU researchers find", "url": "https://munewsarchives.missouri.edu/news-releases/2011/0329-stepchildren-relate-to-stepparents-based-on-perceived-benefits-stepparents’-behaviors-mu-researchers-find", "publisher": "University of Missouri News Bureau, reporting Lawrence Ganong and Marilyn Coleman", "date": "2011-03", "supports": "Ganong and Coleman identified six patterns in how stepchildren's relationships with stepparents develop (accepting as a parent, liking from the start, accepting with ambivalence, changing trajectory, rejecting, and coexisting); initial rejection should not be viewed as permanent, and children are affected by the opinions and actions of their biological parents and other family members." }, { "title": "10 myths about stepfamilies", "url": "https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/10_myths_about_stepfamilies", "publisher": "Michigan State University Extension", "date": "n.d.", "supports": "Stepfamily adjustment does not happen quickly and typically takes about four years; love between children and a parent's partner is not instant; research indicates the older the child or adolescent, the longer the transition." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/overthinking-texts-after-divorce/", "title": "Why do I overthink texts?", "summary": "Because a text gives you high stakes and thin information, and after divorce you read it with a mind the marriage trained. If you last dated before smartphones, you're learning a new language; if the marriage ended in lies, you may be auditing every message for the next one. Both are fixable with fewer clues and more questions.", "section": "dating-again", "author": "Kristen S.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-01", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/overthinking-texts-after-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "Duration of Marriage at First Divorce, 2023 (Family Profile FP-25-22)", "url": "https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/FP-25-22", "publisher": "National Center for Family and Marriage Research, Bowling Green State University", "date": "2025-07", "supports": "Using U.S. Census Bureau American Community Survey data, the median duration of marriage at first divorce was 13 years in 2023, up from about 11 years in 2010." }, { "title": "Mobile Fact Sheet", "url": "https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/fact-sheet/mobile/", "publisher": "Pew Research Center", "date": "2025", "supports": "About nine in ten U.S. adults (91%) own a smartphone, up from 35% in Pew's first survey of smartphone ownership in 2011." }, { "title": "Psychological Overinvolvement, Emotional Distress, and Daily Affect Following Marital Dissolution", "url": "https://doi.org/10.1525/collabra.184", "publisher": "Collabra: Psychology (University of California Press)", "date": "2019-01", "supports": "Kyle Bourassa, Allison Tackman, Matthias Mehl and David Sbarra followed 138 recently separated adults. Greater psychological overinvolvement predicted more distress, lower happiness and greater sadness five months later, and the self-reported rumination component largely accounted for these links." }, { "title": "Experimental manipulation of intolerance of uncertainty: a study of a theoretical model of worry", "url": "https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10957827/", "publisher": "Behaviour Research and Therapy (PubMed)", "date": "2000", "supports": "Ladouceur and colleagues used a gambling task to raise intolerance of uncertainty in one group (n = 21) and lower it in another (n = 21). Participants whose intolerance of uncertainty was raised worried more." }, { "title": "Texting insincerely: The role of the period in text messaging", "url": "https://researchconnect.suny.edu/en/publications/texting-insincerely-the-role-of-the-period-in-text-messaging/", "publisher": "Computers in Human Behavior (SUNY ResearchConnect, Binghamton University)", "date": "2016", "supports": "Gunraj, Klin and colleagues found that undergraduates rated one-word text replies ending in a period as less sincere than the same replies without one. No such difference appeared for handwritten notes." }, { "title": "Was My Message Read?: Privacy and Signaling on Facebook Messenger", "url": "https://www.cs.oberlin.edu/~rhoyle/papers/hoyle-chi17.pdf", "publisher": "CHI 2017 Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems (Oberlin College)", "date": "2017", "supports": "Hoyle, Das, Kapadia, Lee and Vaniea surveyed 402 message senders and 316 recipients on Mechanical Turk. Senders reported a range of emotions when a message was not read, or was read but not answered right away." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/panic-when-someone-new-pulls-away/", "title": "Why do I panic when someone new pulls away after my divorce?", "summary": "Because a new person going quiet can switch on the memory of how your marriage ended, and your body answers the old loss, not this six-week-old one. After a divorce the replay often runs in the present tense, as if it is happening again right now, so the next hour goes better if you step back from the replay before you decide whether to reach out.", "section": "what-you-are-carrying", "author": "Craig B.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/panic-when-someone-new-pulls-away/", "sources": [ { "title": "Attachment anxiety, verbal immediacy, and blood pressure: Results from a laboratory-analogue study following marital separation", "url": "https://experts.arizona.edu/en/publications/attachment-anxiety-verbal-immediacy-and-blood-pressure-results-fr/", "publisher": "Personal Relationships (Lee, Sbarra, Mason and Law), University of Arizona", "date": "2011", "supports": "119 recently separated adults (43 men, 76 women) reflected on their relationship history and separation; participants high in attachment anxiety who talked about the separation in a first-person, present-oriented, highly engaged way had the highest blood pressure at the start of the divorce-specific task." }, { "title": "The structure and process of emotional experience following nonmarital relationship dissolution", "url": "https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167205280913", "publisher": "Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (Sbarra and Emery)", "date": "2005", "supports": "Daily emotion reports for four weeks from 58 young adults after the end of a serious relationship (average 20 months): love declined steadily and sadness and anger fell; greater attachment preoccupation was linked to a lower probability of recovering from sadness during the study, and contact with the former partner slowed the decline of love and sadness." }, { "title": "Talking to yourself in the third person can help you control stressful emotions", "url": "https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/07/170726102906.htm", "publisher": "ScienceDaily, reporting Michigan State University and University of Michigan research (Ethan Kross and colleagues) in Scientific Reports", "date": "2017-07", "supports": "In two experiments, referring to yourself in the third person reduced emotional brain activity very quickly (within about one second when viewing disturbing images) and, when reflecting on painful past experiences, required no more effort-related brain activity than first-person self-talk, suggesting a relatively effortless form of emotion regulation." }, { "title": "Putting feelings into words produces therapeutic effects in the brain", "url": "https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/06/070622090727.htm", "publisher": "ScienceDaily, reporting Matthew Lieberman and colleagues (UCLA) in Psychological Science", "date": "2007-06", "supports": "In an fMRI study of 30 people, labeling the emotion in a picture of a face (for example 'angry' or 'fearful') reduced the response of the amygdala compared with other ways of processing the same images, and increased activity in the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex." }, { "title": "Narrative journaling may help heart's health post-divorce", "url": "https://news.arizona.edu/news/narrative-journaling-may-help-hearts-health-post-divorce", "publisher": "University of Arizona News, reporting David Sbarra and colleagues", "supports": "In a community sample of 109 recently separated adults assigned to traditional expressive writing, narrative expressive writing or a control task, traditional expressive writing had earlier been found to increase distress among high ruminators; writing that built a narrative (a story with structure and meaning) was linked to better heart-rate and heart-rate-variability measures months later, without harming high ruminators." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/pursue-and-withdraw-by-text/", "title": "Am I repeating my marriage's pursue-and-withdraw pattern by text?", "summary": "Possibly, and noticing it is most of the work. After a marriage, the old push and pull can move onto a phone screen with a new person, but it is a dance two people do, not proof that you, or they, are your ex.", "section": "patterns", "author": "Kristen S.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/pursue-and-withdraw-by-text/", "sources": [ { "title": "A Meta-Analytical Review of the Demand/Withdraw Pattern of Interaction (news release)", "url": "https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/08/140804122903.htm", "publisher": "ScienceDaily (reporting Schrodt and colleagues, Communication Monographs, 2014)", "date": "2014-08", "supports": "A meta-analysis led by Paul Schrodt of Texas Christian University pooled 74 studies with about 14,000 participants. The demand-withdraw pattern, in which one partner pressures with requests, criticism or complaints and the other responds with avoidance or silence, was linked to lower relationship satisfaction, less intimacy and poorer communication." }, { "title": "Avoidant Attachment, Withdrawal-Aggression Conflict Pattern, and Relationship Satisfaction: A Mediational Dyadic Model", "url": "https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.794942/full", "publisher": "Frontiers in Psychology", "date": "2022-01", "supports": "In 175 heterosexual couples aged 18 to 72, attachment avoidance was more strongly associated with a person's own withdrawal than with demanding. The combination of one partner withdrawing and the other demanding was associated with lower relationship satisfaction for both partners." }, { "title": "Adult Romantic Attachment, Electronic Messaging, and Relationship Quality", "url": "https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35085449", "publisher": "Peer-reviewed study indexed in PubMed (U.S. National Library of Medicine)", "date": "2022", "supports": "In 302 romantically partnered undergraduates, people higher in attachment anxiety wanted more messages than they received and replied faster than their partners did. People higher in attachment avoidance wanted fewer messages than they received, sent fewer, and replied more slowly than their partners." }, { "title": "The demand/withdraw pattern of communication as a predictor of marital satisfaction over time", "url": "https://experts.illinois.edu/en/publications/the-demandwithdraw-pattern-of-communication-as-a-predictor-of-mar/", "publisher": "Human Communication Research (University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign)", "date": "2002", "supports": "In a longitudinal study of 46 married couples, Caughlin found the link between demand/withdraw and dissatisfaction endured to some extent, but demand/withdraw also predicted increases in wives' satisfaction, suggesting the pattern's effects are more complex than assumed and may depend on how it is enacted." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/red-flag-or-divorce-talking/", "title": "Is this a red flag, or is it my divorce talking?", "summary": "Ask whether you could describe the thing to a friend without mentioning your ex. If you can, and it keeps happening, take it seriously. If it only alarms you because of how it echoes the marriage, it's probably your divorce talking, and anything that involves control or fear is a red flag no matter what your history is.", "section": "dating-again", "author": "Jonathan P.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-01", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/red-flag-or-divorce-talking/", "sources": [ { "title": "How are everyday interpersonal relations influenced by past relationships with significant others?", "url": "https://www.psych.nyu.edu/andersen", "publisher": "New York University, Department of Psychology (Susan Andersen lab)", "date": "2024", "supports": "In the social-cognitive model of transference, a mental representation of a significant other is activated by cues in a new person that resemble them, leading people to make inferences about the new person drawn from the old relationship and shifting their feelings, expectations and behavior; this can be harmful when the old relationship was troubled." }, { "title": "Building a relationship with a new partner after divorce", "url": "https://dspace.library.uvic.ca/items/86d1a1ee-11dd-4da6-9411-05a333b8e6cf", "publisher": "University of Victoria (master's thesis, Roslyn Agnes Hanna)", "date": "1990", "supports": "In-depth interviews with six formerly married people building a relationship with a new partner. Participants stayed sensitive and self-protecting when new partners acted in ways that reminded them of their ex-spouse, were mistrustful of commitment as a guarantee, and saw commitment as built on trustworthy action. Problem areas included past relationships, commitment, marriage, parenting, and rewards and costs." }, { "title": "Implications of rejection sensitivity for intimate relationships", "url": "https://www.ffri.hr/~ibrdar/komunikacija/seminari/Downey,%201996%20-%20Rejection%20Sensitivity%20for%20intimate%20relationsh.pdf", "publisher": "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Downey and Feldman, via University of Rijeka course page)", "date": "1996", "supports": "People who anxiously expect rejection readily perceive intentional rejection in others' ambiguous behavior, and people who enter romantic relationships with anxious expectations of rejection readily perceive intentional rejection in the insensitive behavior of new partners." }, { "title": "Divorced mothers' coparental boundary maintenance after parents repartner", "url": "https://scholars.unh.edu/famstud_facpub/51", "publisher": "Journal of Family Psychology (Ganong, Coleman, Jamison and Feistman, via University of New Hampshire)", "date": "2015-04", "supports": "A grounded theory study of 19 divorced mothers found they actively maintained boundaries around the coparenting relationship after one or both former spouses repartnered, and widened the coparenting circle to include new partners when certain conditions were met, such as seeing the new partner as an adequate caregiver and being able to coparent cooperatively." }, { "title": "Intimate Partner Violence (NISVS data brief)", "url": "https://cdc.gov/nisvs/media/pdfs/intimatepartnerviolence-brief.pdf", "publisher": "Centers for Disease Control and Prevention", "date": "2022", "supports": "CDC counts psychological aggression as a form of intimate partner violence. It includes expressive aggression (insulting or humiliating a partner) and coercive control and entrapment, meaning behaviors intended to monitor, control or threaten an intimate partner." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/secure-texting-after-divorce/", "title": "What does secure texting look like after a divorce?", "summary": "Plain and unhurried: you say what you mean, reply when you can, skip the scorekeeping, and take hard conversations off the screen. Divorce can knock that steadiness loose for a while, and it usually comes back, especially once you stop texting a new person the way you text your ex.", "section": "patterns", "author": "Jonathan P.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/secure-texting-after-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "Do life events lead to enduring changes in adult attachment styles? A naturalistic longitudinal investigation", "url": "https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32790474/", "publisher": "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (American Psychological Association), via PubMed", "date": "2020", "supports": "Following more than 4,000 people across multiple waves, about half of the life events studied were linked to immediate changes in attachment, but on average people tended to return to the security levels their earlier trajectories predicted. Relationship breakups were associated with shifts from secure toward insecure attachment. There were large individual differences: some people became more secure and others less so, and how people construed events was related to how much they changed." }, { "title": "Attachment style and adjustment to divorce", "url": "https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/spanish-journal-of-psychology/article/attachment-style-and-adjustment-to-divorce/956474187C5F618BD6AACD849107D060", "publisher": "The Spanish Journal of Psychology (Cambridge University Press)", "date": "2010", "supports": "In a study of 40 divorced parents in the Basque Country, divorcees showed a lower proportion of secure attachment than the general population. Secure attachment predicted better adjustment to divorce and more positive feelings, while preoccupied attachment and the anxiety dimension predicted more negative feelings." }, { "title": "Insecure Attachment Predicts History of Divorce, Marriage, and Current Relationship Status", "url": "https://experts.arizona.edu/en/publications/insecure-attachment-predicts-history-of-divorce-marriage-and-curr/", "publisher": "University of Arizona (peer-reviewed article record)", "supports": "Anxious and avoidant attachment and dysfunctional relational communication patterns predicted adults' relationship status; anxious and avoidant attachment significantly predicted both a history of divorce and being single rather than partnered. The design was correlational." }, { "title": "Too much texting can disconnect couples, research finds", "url": "https://news.byu.edu/news/too-much-texting-can-disconnect-couples-research-finds", "publisher": "Brigham Young University (reporting Schade and Sandberg, Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, 2013)", "date": "2013", "supports": "In a study of 276 young adults in committed relationships, expressing affection by text was linked to a better relationship. For women, using texts to apologize, work out differences or make decisions was associated with lower relationship quality. For men, very frequent texting was associated with lower relationship quality." }, { "title": "Effects of texting on satisfaction in romantic relationships: The role of attachment", "url": "https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563214000193", "publisher": "Computers in Human Behavior (Elsevier)", "date": "2014", "supports": "Luo found that the total volume of texting was not related to attachment or relationship satisfaction, but texting share (the proportion of partner communication done by text) was positively linked with attachment avoidance and anxiety and negatively linked with satisfaction." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/stop-fearing-being-left-again/", "title": "How do I stop being afraid of being left again after divorce?", "summary": "You change it over months, not by promising yourself it will never happen again. After a divorce the work is sorting what the marriage actually taught you from the fear it left behind, rebuilding trust in your own judgment, and leaning on the steady parts of the life you have built since, including the co-parenting routines you already keep.", "section": "patterns", "author": "Michelle V.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/stop-fearing-being-left-again/", "sources": [ { "title": "The trouble with averages: The impact of major life events and acute stress may not be what you think", "url": "https://sites.utexas.edu/contemporaryfamilies/2013/05/29/trouble-with-averages-briefing", "publisher": "Council on Contemporary Families briefing by Anthony Mancini and George Bonanno", "date": "2013-05", "supports": "72% of divorcing people had relatively high life satisfaction before divorce and kept those levels afterward, nearly one in 10 showed substantial increases in well-being, and fewer than one in five showed the expected decline; responses to major life events are diverse, and resilience is common." }, { "title": "Advice to divorcees: go easy on yourself", "url": "https://sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/09/110921152455.htm", "publisher": "ScienceDaily, reporting David Sbarra and colleagues (University of Arizona) in Psychological Science", "date": "2011-09", "supports": "In 105 people (38 men, 67 women, mean age about 40) who had been married more than 13 years and divorced three to four months, coders rated self-compassion while participants talked about the separation; self-compassion predicted better adjustment shortly after divorce and up to nine months later, independent of traits such as self-esteem, optimism and resistance to depression." }, { "title": "Typologies of post-divorce coparenting and parental well-being, parenting quality and children's psychological adjustment", "url": "https://pure.psu.edu/en/publications/typologies-of-post-divorce-coparenting-and-parental-well-being-pa/", "publisher": "Child Psychiatry and Human Development (Penn State research profile)", "date": "2016-10", "supports": "Cluster analysis of 314 Portuguese divorced parents found three coparenting patterns; parents in the high-conflict group had significantly lower life satisfaction and higher divorce-related negative affect than parents in the undermining and cooperative groups, and the cooperative group reported more positive family functioning and fewer problems in their children." }, { "title": "'Silver lining' effect for many women who separate in midlife", "url": "https://unisa.edu.au/media-centre/Releases/2025/silver-lining-effect-for-many-women-who-separate-in-midlife", "publisher": "University of South Australia, reporting a study in the Journal of Happiness Studies", "date": "2025-05", "supports": "Tracking more than 1,400 divorced or separated women against more than 2,500 women in continuing relationships across nine waves of the Australian Longitudinal Study on Women's Health: happiness dipped in the short term but divorced and separated women returned to pre-separation life satisfaction within three to four years; social support, perceived control and income satisfaction influenced adjustment." }, { "title": "First study to investigate how attachment style changes through multiple decades of life", "url": "https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/first-study-investigate-how-attachment-style-changes-through-multiple-decades-life", "publisher": "British Psychological Society Research Digest, reporting Chopik, Edelstein and Grimm in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology", "date": "2019", "supports": "Data from long-running projects covering ages 13 to 72 found attachment anxiety declined on average across adulthood; attachment style is relatively stable but not fixed, and may be shaped by relationship experiences and the demands of different life stages." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/stop-overthinking-new-relationship-after-divorce/", "title": "How do I stop overthinking my new relationship after divorce?", "summary": "Notice when you're replaying the end of your marriage instead of this relationship, and switch from asking why to asking what you can do next. After divorce the loop often runs on the old ending, so the fix is to check what's actually different and turn each fear into one concrete step.", "section": "what-you-are-carrying", "author": "Daniel J.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/stop-overthinking-new-relationship-after-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "More of the Same? Comparing the Personalities of Ex-Spouse and New Partner after Divorce", "url": "https://www.mdpi.com/2076-0760/10/11/431", "publisher": "Social Sciences (MDPI)", "date": "2021-11", "supports": "Using 700 triads of Flemish divorcees, their ex-spouses and their new partners, the study rejected the idea that divorcees repartner with someone of the same personality as their ex-spouse; some improved their partner selection, while others were constrained by the dating market." }, { "title": "Rethinking Rumination", "url": "https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2672047", "publisher": "Perspectives on Psychological Science (Nolen-Hoeksema, Wisco and Lyubomirsky), via PubMed Central", "date": "2008", "supports": "Moderately depressed people induced to ruminate showed less effective interpersonal problem solving than people distracted from rumination, and self-focused rumination may inhibit action by increasing uncertainty, leading to more rumination and behavioral paralysis." }, { "title": "Constructive and Unconstructive Repetitive Thought", "url": "https://ore.exeter.ac.uk/repository/handle/10871/11162", "publisher": "Psychological Bulletin (Edward Watkins, University of Exeter)", "date": "2008", "supports": "Repetitive thought can be constructive (recovery from upsetting events, adaptive preparation and planning) or unconstructive (depression, anxiety), and one principle that distinguishes them is the level of construal: abstract versus concrete processing." }, { "title": "The nature of the relationship between remarried individuals and former spouses", "url": "https://research.rug.nl/en/publications/the-nature-of-the-relationship-between-remarried-individuals-and-/", "publisher": "University of Groningen", "supports": "In a sample of 290 remarried individuals, continued attachment and friendship with the former spouse were uncommon (hostility was more common than either), and continued attachment to the former spouse was especially negatively related to current marital satisfaction." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/stop-tracking-reply-times/", "title": "How do I stop overanalyzing reply times now that I'm dating again?", "summary": "Stop collecting the data: turn off the signals you can, check at set times, and judge the person by what they do rather than how fast they type. After a divorce, a phone already full of co-parenting pings and a trust you're rebuilding can turn reply times into a spreadsheet, and the spreadsheet never gives you the answer you're looking for.", "section": "dating-again", "author": "Monica T.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/stop-tracking-reply-times/", "sources": [ { "title": "Exploring the impact of 'read receipts' in Mobile Instant Messaging", "url": "https://tidsskrift.dk/mef-journal/article/view/28781", "publisher": "Open-access journal article on tidsskrift.dk (Lynden and Rasmussen)", "date": "2017", "supports": "A mixed-methods study by James Lynden and Teis Rasmussen linked read receipts to avoidance strategies, increased app checking, feelings of anxiety and strong negative attitudes to the feature." }, { "title": "WhatsApp usage and its psychological consequences (Blabst and Diefenbach)", "url": "https://scienceopen.com/document_file/91814f34-10ba-4ee4-a872-c5ae4f09ed82/ScienceOpen/001_Blabst.pdf", "publisher": "ScienceOpen (conference paper by Nicole Blabst and Sarah Diefenbach)", "supports": "In a study of 135 WhatsApp users, perceived stress was significantly higher among people who actively used read receipts than among those with passive usage, and people who felt stressed by read receipts and preferred to be without them considered WhatsApp communication a waste of time." }, { "title": "Habits make smartphone use more pervasive (news release)", "url": "https://sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/07/110725101222.htm", "publisher": "ScienceDaily (reporting Oulasvirta and colleagues, Personal and Ubiquitous Computing)", "date": "2011-07", "supports": "Oulasvirta and colleagues described a checking habit: brief, repeated looks at quickly available content, typically under 30 seconds, tied to a small set of trigger situations and reinforced by very quickly available informational rewards." }, { "title": "Helping Health Anxiety, Module 6: Reducing Checking and Reassurance Seeking", "url": "https://cci.health.wa.gov.au/-/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/Helping-Health-Anxiety/Helping-Health-Anxiety---06---Reducing-Checking-and-Reassurance-Seeking.pdf", "publisher": "Western Australia Department of Health (cci.health.wa.gov.au consumer module)", "supports": "Self-help guidance explaining that checking and reassurance seeking bring quick, short-lived relief, and that this relief reinforces the behavior so the urge to check returns and the anxiety is maintained." }, { "title": "Study: Smartphone Alerts Increase Inattention, and Hyperactivity", "url": "https://archive.news.virginia.edu/content/study-smartphone-alerts-increase-inattention-and-hyperactivity/", "publisher": "University of Virginia News (reporting Kushlev and colleagues)", "supports": "221 University of British Columbia students spent one week with notification alerts on and phones within reach and another week with alerts off and phones away. They reported more inattention and hyperactivity in the alerts-on week." }, { "title": "Social media jealousy, electronic partner surveillance, attachment anxiety and relationship satisfaction (longitudinal study)", "url": "https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12445260", "publisher": "Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, via PubMed Central", "date": "2025", "supports": "Métellus, Vaillancourt-Morel, Brassard and Daspe followed 322 young adults aged 18 to 29 in romantic relationships over two years. Social media jealousy was associated with more electronic partner surveillance and with lower relationship satisfaction one year later." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/text-arguments-feel-like-the-divorce/", "title": "Why do text arguments with someone new feel like my divorce all over again?", "summary": "Because a disagreement is where old habits live, and a text strips away the face and voice that would remind you this is a different person. Your marriage taught you a set of fight moves, and a tense thread can set them off in seconds. Those moves can change, and repair is something you can practice on purpose this time.", "section": "patterns", "author": "Sean K.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/patterns/text-arguments-feel-like-the-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "Will your marriage last? Look at how you fight", "url": "https://michigantoday.umich.edu/?p=1604", "publisher": "Michigan Today, University of Michigan (reporting Birditt and colleagues, Journal of Marriage and Family, 2010)", "date": "2010", "supports": "The Early Years of Marriage Study interviewed 373 couples four times over 16 years, starting in their first year of marriage; 46% had divorced by year 16. A pattern in which one spouse handled conflict constructively while the other withdrew seemed especially damaging, because the constructive spouse may read withdrawal as a lack of investment rather than an attempt to cool down. Couples in which both spouses used constructive strategies had lower divorce rates." }, { "title": "New relationship, same problems? Alta. researcher finds we follow patterns when dating", "url": "https://edmonton.ctvnews.ca/new-relationship-same-problems-alta-researcher-finds-we-follow-patterns-when-dating-1.4569418", "publisher": "CTV News Edmonton (reporting a University of Alberta study led by Matthew Johnson)", "supports": "Johnson's team surveyed 554 people in Germany over eight years, before and after a relationship ended and into a new one. Many relationship patterns, good and bad, were repeated with the new partner once the honeymoon glow faded. Johnson: 'You are still the same person so you likely recreate many of the same patterns with the next partner.'" }, { "title": "Does attachment style moderate the effect of computer-mediated versus face-to-face conflict discussions?", "url": "https://research.tilburguniversity.edu/en/publications/does-attachment-style-moderate-the-effect-of-computer-mediated-ve/", "publisher": "Personal Relationships (Tilburg University research portal)", "date": "2020-12", "supports": "Pollmann, Crockett, Vanden Abeele and Schouten had 100 romantic couples discuss a conflict topic either face to face or by computer-mediated communication. Distress, anger and conflict resolution did not differ between the two, and attachment style did not change that. More anxious and more avoidant attachment were each associated with higher distress and anger." }, { "title": "Text it out: an experimental comparison of romantic conflict across communication channels", "url": "https://d.lib.msu.edu/etd/48451", "publisher": "Michigan State University (doctoral dissertation, Taj Wanda Makki)", "date": "2020", "supports": "In a lab experiment with 128 participants, romantic partners discussed a recurring conflict by text message, voice call, video chat or face to face. Conflict outcomes were most favorable after the text-based conversations." }, { "title": "Communicating Apologies Effectively", "url": "https://utampa.dspacedirect.org/handle/20.500.11868/3402", "publisher": "University of Tampa (institutional repository)", "supports": "A 2x2 online experiment with 944 participants compared face-to-face and text apologies, with and without effective apology elements, after a hypothetical offense by a friend. A face-to-face apology with effective elements earned more forgiveness than a text apology without them, but did not differ significantly from a text apology with them, suggesting apology quality matters more than the medium." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/trust-after-infidelity-ended-your-marriage/", "title": "How do you trust someone new after infidelity ended your marriage?", "summary": "Trust comes back in small, checkable steps, built from what a new person actually does over time. Your job is not to trust faster. It is to tell the old fear apart from what is happening now.", "section": "what-you-are-carrying", "author": "Monica T.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-01", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/trust-after-infidelity-ended-your-marriage/", "sources": [ { "title": "Infidelity and separations precipitate major depressive episodes and symptoms of nonspecific depression and anxiety", "url": "https://www.researchgate.net/profile/K-Daniel-Oleary/publication/12258582_Infidelity_and_separation_precipitate_major_depressive_episodes_and_symptoms_of_non-specific_depression_and_anxiety/links/004635207131e63af3000000/Infidelity-and-separation-precipitate-major-depressive-episodes-and-symptoms-of-non-specific-depression-and-anxiety.pdf", "publisher": "Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology (American Psychological Association)", "date": "2000", "supports": "Cano and O'Leary compared 25 women who had recently experienced a humiliating marital event (a husband's infidelity or a threat of ending the marriage) with 25 women who had not, with similar levels of marital discord. The first group was 6 times more likely to be diagnosed with a major depressive episode, even after controlling for family and lifetime history of depression, and reported more symptoms of anxiety." }, { "title": "Infidelity's aftermath: Appraisals, mental health, and health-compromising behaviors following a partner's infidelity", "url": "https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407517704091", "publisher": "Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (SAGE)", "date": "2018", "supports": "Shrout and Weigel surveyed 232 college students who had recently been cheated on. Blaming the partner, blaming oneself and other negative appraisals were linked to more depression, anxiety and distress, which in turn were linked to more health-compromising behaviors." }, { "title": "The aftershocks of infidelity: a review of infidelity-based attachment trauma", "url": "https://scholarlyworks.adelphi.edu/esploro/outputs/journalArticle/The-aftershocks-of-infidelity-a-review/991004395994606266", "publisher": "Sexual and Relationship Therapy (Adelphi University)", "date": "2021", "supports": "Warach and Josephs review research on the emotional, cognitive, behavioral and stress-related physical health consequences of infidelity for the betrayed partner, and describe it as a form of attachment trauma or injury, in some cases with traumatic symptoms." }, { "title": "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? Serial Infidelity Across Subsequent Relationships", "url": "https://digitalcommons.du.edu/psychology_faculty/75", "publisher": "Archives of Sexual Behavior (University of Denver)", "date": "2017", "supports": "Knopp and colleagues followed 484 adults through two romantic relationships. People who had suspected a first partner of infidelity were four times more likely to report suspecting their next partner as well." }, { "title": "Trust in close relationships revisited", "url": "https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12316384", "publisher": "Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (via PubMed Central)", "date": "2025-05", "supports": "Camanto and Campbell revisited the 1985 trust model of Rempel, Holmes and Zanna and found the same three factors: predictability (consistency of a partner's behavior based on past experience), dependability (qualities like honesty and reliability) and faith (confidence in the partner's caring about an uncertain future). They frame trust as something built over the course of a relationship." }, { "title": "Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age", "url": "https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/05/08/dating-and-relationships-in-the-digital-age/", "publisher": "Pew Research Center", "date": "2020-05", "supports": "Survey of 4,860 U.S. adults, October 16 to 28, 2019. About one in three Americans in a romantic relationship say they have looked through their partner's phone without that person's knowledge, while seven in ten Americans say this is rarely or never acceptable." }, { "title": "Anxiety Disorders", "url": "https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders", "publisher": "National Institute of Mental Health", "date": "2024", "supports": "For people with anxiety disorders, anxiety does not go away and can get worse over time, and symptoms can interfere with daily activities such as job performance, schoolwork and relationships." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/what-to-say-about-your-divorce-on-a-first-date/", "title": "What do you say about your divorce on a first date?", "summary": "Say that you are divorced, say it plainly, and keep it to a sentence or two. The full story can wait until there is a second or third date to tell it on.", "section": "dating-again", "author": "Sean K.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-01", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/what-to-say-about-your-divorce-on-a-first-date/", "sources": [ { "title": "Taking turns: Reciprocal self-disclosure promotes liking in initial interactions", "url": "https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S002210311300070X", "publisher": "Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (Elsevier)", "date": "2013-09", "supports": "Sprecher and colleagues paired unacquainted undergraduates. Pairs who immediately took turns asking questions and disclosing reported more liking, closeness, perceived similarity and enjoyment than pairs in which one person disclosed for a whole interaction while the other listened, then switched." }, { "title": "Self-disclosure and liking: a meta-analytic review", "url": "https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7809308/", "publisher": "Psychological Bulletin (Collins and Miller)", "date": "1994", "supports": "Meta-analysis finding that people who make intimate disclosures tend to be liked more than people who disclose less, people disclose more to those they like, and people like others as a result of having disclosed to them. The link was moderated by factors including the type of disclosure." }, { "title": "Self-disclosure and the liking of participants in reality TV", "url": "https://cris.haifa.ac.il/en/publications/self-disclosure-and-the-liking-of-participants-in-reality-tv/", "publisher": "Human Communication Research (Tal-Or and Hershman-Shitrit, University of Haifa)", "date": "2015-04", "supports": "In everyday interactions, intimate self-disclosure is welcomed when it evolves gradually. In Study 2, viewers preferred participants whose disclosure grew gradually more intimate, as in real relationships." }, { "title": "When Leaving Your Ex, Love Yourself: Observational Ratings of Self-Compassion Predict the Course of Emotional Recovery Following Marital Separation", "url": "https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0956797611429466", "publisher": "Psychological Science (Sbarra, Smith and Mehl)", "date": "2012", "supports": "Divorcing adults recorded a 4-minute stream-of-consciousness talk about their separation. Judges rated self-compassion (self-kindness, a sense of shared humanity, emotional equanimity) in how they talked, and higher self-compassion predicted better adjustment shortly after the separation and up to nine months later, independent of other personality traits." }, { "title": "Post-Divorce Journaling May Hinder Healing for Some", "url": "https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/post-divorce-journaling-may-hinder-healing-for-some.html", "publisher": "Association for Psychological Science (reporting Sbarra and colleagues, Clinical Psychological Science, 2013)", "date": "2013", "supports": "Recently separated adults were randomly assigned to traditional expressive writing about their feelings, narrative writing with a beginning, middle and end, or a control task. Traditional expressive writing left high ruminators more distressed months later; narrative writing was linked to improvements in heart rate and the heart's response to stress." }, { "title": "Four-in-Ten New Marriages Involve Remarriage", "url": "https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2014/11/14/four-in-ten-couples-are-saying-i-do-again/", "publisher": "Pew Research Center", "date": "2014-11", "supports": "In 2013, 40% of new U.S. marriages included at least one partner who had been married before, and in 20% both partners had been (analysis of the 2013 American Community Survey)." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/when-to-end-a-relationship-after-divorce/", "title": "How do I know when to end a relationship after divorce?", "summary": "Nobody outside can tell you, but you can make the question smaller. After a divorce, three extra weights land on the scale: the fear of failing twice, kids who love this person, and a shared calendar. Weigh them one at a time, then look at what is left: how you feel about this person on an ordinary week.", "section": "dating-again", "author": "Anthony R.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/when-to-end-a-relationship-after-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "Bad relationships and the fear of being single", "url": "https://www.utoronto.ca/news/bad-relationships-and-fear-being-single", "publisher": "University of Toronto News, reporting Spielmann and colleagues in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology", "date": "2013-12", "supports": "Across several studies, people with stronger fear of being single (measured with a new Fear of Being Single scale) were more likely to settle for less: staying in unsatisfying relationships and being less selective in online dating and speed dating. Published in JPSP 105, 1049 to 1073." }, { "title": "BGSU research finds divorce among older adults has nearly tripled since 1990", "url": "https://www.bgsu.edu/news/2024/10/bgsu-research-finds-divorce-among-older-adults-has-nearly-tripled-since-1990.html", "publisher": "Bowling Green State University, National Center for Family and Marriage Research", "date": "2024-10", "supports": "BGSU sociologist Susan L. Brown notes that remarriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages." }, { "title": "Stepchildren who view former stepparents as family maintain relationships following divorce", "url": "https://munewsarchives.missouri.edu/news-releases/2015/0810-stepchildren-who-view-former-stepparents-as-family-maintain-relationships-following-divorce", "publisher": "University of Missouri News Bureau", "date": "2015-08", "supports": "Among young people interviewed about a stepfamily that dissolved, about 25% kept claiming the former stepparent as kin, about 25% had claimed them but cut ties after the divorce, and about half had never claimed them. Whether ties continued depended on emotional reactions to the divorce, support exchanged, and parents' encouragement or discouragement." }, { "title": "Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships: results from a multisite case control study", "url": "https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12835191/", "publisher": "American Journal of Public Health (Campbell and colleagues, via PubMed)", "date": "2003-07", "supports": "An 11-city case control study compared 220 intimate partner femicide cases with 343 abused women; risk factors included the abuser's access to a gun, prior threats with a weapon, and estrangement, especially from a controlling partner." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/co-parenting-and-boundaries/when-to-tell-your-kids-you-are-dating/", "title": "When should you tell your kids you are dating?", "summary": "Tell them that you are dating once it is a regular part of your life, in words that fit their age. Wait to introduce a specific person until the relationship looks like it will last.", "section": "co-parenting-and-boundaries", "author": "Tracy G.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-01", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/co-parenting-and-boundaries/when-to-tell-your-kids-you-are-dating/", "sources": [ { "title": "Dating After Divorce When You Have Children (Fact Sheet T-2387)", "url": "https://pods.okstate.edu/fact-sheets/T-2387.pdf", "publisher": "Oklahoma Cooperative Extension Service, Oklahoma State University (Brosi and Masri)", "date": "2019-08", "supports": "After divorce, children need time to adjust and parents need time to form a new identity, a period that can take one to two years. Dating too soon creates more changes children must adjust to, which can be overwhelming and confusing, and younger children especially rely on parents for support and stability." }, { "title": "Starting To Date Again: For Single Parents", "url": "https://discover.pbc.gov/coextension/FACS/Family/StartingtoDateAgain.aspx", "publisher": "Palm Beach County Cooperative Extension (UF/IFAS Extension)", "supports": "Talk about dating in age-appropriate ways: babies and toddlers need to know you are leaving and will come back; preschool and school-age children can be told you are spending time with a friend; with teens, sit down and explain why you want to date, without asking permission. It is not necessary or wise to introduce children to every casual date, which can confuse them and lead to hurt feelings; introduce a partner when things are serious and you are fairly sure the person will be in your life long term. Remind children that dating does not mean less time with them." }, { "title": "Divorced Parents' Perceived Benefits and Risks of Dating and Sharing of Dating Information", "url": "https://dc.etsu.edu/etsu-works-2/979", "publisher": "Family Relations (Kang, Ganong and Ko; record hosted by East Tennessee State University)", "date": "2022", "supports": "Online survey of 284 divorced mothers and 117 divorced fathers recruited after a state-mandated divorce education program. Parents who saw a dating partner as a potential help with coparenting favored earlier introductions and sharing more dating information with children; parents concerned about others' perceptions favored later introductions." }, { "title": "The Impact of Mothers' Post-Divorce Dating Breakups on Children's Adjustment", "url": "https://link.springer.com/10.1007/s10826-018-1095-3", "publisher": "Journal of Child and Family Studies (Springer)", "date": "2018", "supports": "Longitudinal data from 270 mothers who dated after divorce and 170 children who knew about the dating. No overall effect of a breakup on children's problem behaviors, but children who reported high rapport with the mother's dating partner showed more internalizing behaviors at the breakup than children with low rapport." }, { "title": "Is It OK If Mommy Dates? The Influence of Mother's Post-Divorce Dating Transitions for Children's Behaviors", "url": "https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11620120", "publisher": "Journal of Child and Family Studies (via PubMed Central)", "date": "2021", "supports": "Longitudinal study of 316 mothers of elementary-age children, recruited within three months of filing for divorce. Mothers' dating transitions had little direct effect on children's adjustment; the child's rapport with the mother moderated links between dating, breakups and children's behavior, and high child-mother rapport benefited children's adjustment." }, { "title": "Adult Child Proximity and Repartnering Among Parents After Gray Divorce", "url": "https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9765829/", "publisher": "Innovation in Aging (via PubMed Central)", "date": "2022", "supports": "Roughly 40% of men and 25% of women form a co-residential union after a divorce at 50 or older; parents with an adult child living nearby repartnered less often than those with no children nearby." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/loneliness-after/why-cant-i-move-on-from-my-divorce/", "title": "Why can't I move on from my divorce?", "summary": "Because a divorce ends several things at once (a person, a future, a family shape), and when you share kids, the person keeps walking back through the door every other Friday. Moving on after divorce usually means grieving the marriage while building a working relationship with the ex, not getting them out of your life.", "section": "loneliness-after", "author": "Kristen S.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-02", "updated": "2026-10-02", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/loneliness-after/why-cant-i-move-on-from-my-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "Time Does Not Heal All Wounds: A Longitudinal Study of Reaction and Adaptation to Divorce", "url": "https://www.diw.de/de/diw_01.c.775270.de/s_3694.html", "publisher": "Psychological Science (Richard E. Lucas), via DIW Berlin", "date": "2005-12", "supports": "Using the German Socio-Economic Panel, Lucas followed 817 people who divorced for up to 18 years; life satisfaction dropped around the divorce and gradually rebounded but, on average, did not return to pre-divorce levels." }, { "title": "Transitioning Through Divorce: Grieving the Lost Marriage", "url": "https://extension.okstate.edu/fact-sheets/transitioning-through-divorce-grieving-the-lost-marriage", "publisher": "Oklahoma State University Extension", "supports": "Divorce marks the end not only of a marital relationship but of a dream, including the ideal marriage or ideal family; grief over a marriage can resemble the grief process (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance); with children, the relationship with the ex continues in a new form." }, { "title": "Transitioning Through Divorce: The Six Types of Divorce", "url": "https://extension.okstate.edu/fact-sheets/transitioning-through-divorce-the-six-types-of-divorce", "publisher": "Oklahoma State University Extension", "supports": "Drawing on anthropologist Paul Bohannan's 'Divorce and After' (1970), the fact sheet describes divorce as six separate types or processes rather than a single legal event, including the emotional and the legal divorce and, for parents, a coparental divorce." }, { "title": "Expressive writing can impede emotional recovery following marital separation", "url": "https://experts.arizona.edu/en/publications/expressive-writing-can-impede-emotional-recovery-following-marita/", "publisher": "Clinical Psychological Science (Sbarra, Boals, Mason, Larson and Mehl), via University of Arizona", "date": "2013", "supports": "People separated from a spouse (about three months on average) were randomly assigned to expressive writing or a neutral control writing task; for high ruminators, expressive writing slowed emotional recovery, while low ruminators did about the same in any condition." }, { "title": "When leaving your ex, love yourself: Observational ratings of self-compassion predict the course of emotional recovery following marital separation", "url": "https://experts.arizona.edu/en/publications/when-leaving-your-ex-love-yourself-observational-ratings-of-self-/", "publisher": "Psychological Science (Sbarra, Smith and Mehl), via University of Arizona", "date": "2012-03", "supports": "In 105 recently separated adults (38 men, 67 women, mean age about 40, married more than 13 years on average, separated about three to four months), higher observer-rated self-compassion predicted less divorce-related emotional intrusion at the start and up to 9 months later, independent of other personality traits." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/how-to-know-you-are-ready-to-date-after-divorce/", "title": "How do you know you're ready to date after divorce?", "summary": "There is no set timeline. Readiness looks less like a date on the calendar and more like curiosity about someone new, not relief from being alone.", "section": "dating-again", "author": "Michelle V.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-01", "updated": "2026-10-01", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/dating-again/how-to-know-you-are-ready-to-date-after-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "Divorce and Health: Beyond Individual Differences", "url": "https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721414559125", "publisher": "Current Directions in Psychological Science", "date": "2015", "supports": "Most people do well following marital separation, while the bulk of the risk for poor outcomes after divorce is carried by a minority of people." }, { "title": "Divorce and Death: A Meta-Analysis and Research Agenda for Clinical, Social, and Health Psychology", "url": "https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691611414724", "publisher": "Perspectives on Psychological Science", "date": "2011", "supports": "A meta-analysis of 32 prospective studies found separated or divorced adults had higher risk of early death than married adults." }, { "title": "Stepping Off the Hedonic Treadmill: Individual Differences in Response to Major Life Events", "url": "https://www.tc.columbia.edu/media/centers-amp-labs/lte-lab/peered-review-journals/2011/20754_2011_mancini_bonanno_clark_JID.pdf", "publisher": "Journal of Individual Differences", "date": "2011", "supports": "In a long-term German panel study, most people who divorced showed little change in life satisfaction across the years around the divorce, while a minority had more lasting difficulty." }, { "title": "Coparenting Conflict, Nonacceptance, and Depression Among Divorced Adults: Results From a 12-Year Follow-Up Study of Child Custody Mediation Using Multiple Imputation", "url": "https://experts.arizona.edu/en/publications/coparenting-conflict-nonacceptance-and-depression-among-divorced-/", "publisher": "American Journal of Orthopsychiatry", "date": "2005", "supports": "Twelve years after divorce, mothers' nonacceptance of the marital ending was associated with concurrent depression." }, { "title": "Your child's adjustment to your new romantic relationship", "url": "https://extension.umn.edu/divorce-and-other-family-transitions/your-childs-adjustment-your-new-romantic-relationship", "publisher": "University of Minnesota Extension", "supports": "Children may need to give up hopes of the original family reuniting, may worry about sharing a parent, and may feel disloyal to the other parent if they like the new partner." }, { "title": "Co-Parenting: Dating When You Have Children", "url": "https://extension.okstate.edu/fact-sheets/co-parenting-dating-when-you-have-children", "publisher": "Oklahoma State University Extension", "supports": "Dating too soon after divorce adds changes children must adjust to; dating will not speed up healing." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/lying-or-old-fear-after-divorce/", "title": "How do I know if they're lying, after a marriage that ended in lies?", "summary": "You usually can't know from a look, a pause or a hunch, and nobody reliably can. What you can do is track whether their words and actions line up over time, and learn which of your alarms belong to this person and which still belong to the marriage.", "section": "what-you-are-carrying", "author": "Christine M.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-01", "updated": "2026-10-01", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/lying-or-old-fear-after-divorce/", "sources": [ { "title": "Towards understanding the reasons for divorce", "url": "https://aifs.gov.au/publications/towards-understanding-reasons-divorce", "publisher": "Australian Institute of Family Studies", "date": "2003", "supports": "Drawing on the Australian Divorce Transitions Project, a random national telephone survey of 650 divorced Australians conducted in late 1997, the majority of men and women named affective reasons (communication problems, incompatibility, changed lifestyle desires and infidelity) as the main reason their marriage ended." }, { "title": "Everyday lies in close and casual relationships", "url": "https://smg.media.mit.edu/library/DePaulo.Kashy.EverydayLies.pdf", "publisher": "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (DePaulo and Kashy)", "date": "1998", "supports": "77 undergraduates and 70 community members kept diaries of their social interactions and lies for a week. People told fewer lies per interaction to those they felt closer to, lied less than once per 10 interactions with spouses and children, felt more uncomfortable lying to close partners, and lies told to closer partners were more often discovered." }, { "title": "Cues to deception", "url": "https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12555795/", "publisher": "Psychological Bulletin (DePaulo, Lindsay, Malone, Muhlenbruck, Charlton and Cooper, via PubMed)", "date": "2003", "supports": "A meta-analysis of 1,338 estimates of 158 possible cues to deception. Liars were in some ways less forthcoming and told less compelling stories, but many behaviors showed no discernible links, or only weak links, to deceit." }, { "title": "Distrust, False Cues, and Below-Chance Deception Detection Accuracy: Commentary on Stel et al. (2020) and Further Reflections on (Un)Conscious Lie Detection From the Perspective of Truth-Default Theory", "url": "https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8333997/", "publisher": "Frontiers in Psychology (Timothy R. Levine, via PubMed Central)", "date": "2021-07", "supports": "Levine reviews research, going back to McCornack and Levine's 1990 work with romantic partners, showing that suspicion and distrust lower accuracy in judging truths while raising accuracy in judging lies, so the gains and losses largely cancel out; he also argues that behavioral cues are generally non-diagnostic." }, { "title": "Anxiously attached people are ace at poker and lie detection", "url": "https://bps.org.uk/research-digest/anxiously-attached-people-are-ace-poker-and-lie-detection", "publisher": "British Psychological Society Research Digest (reporting Ein-Dor and Perry, Journal of Personality)", "date": "2013", "supports": "In Ein-Dor and Perry's studies, attachment anxiety, but not other kinds of anxiety, predicted more accurate detection of deceitful statements among 202 people watching interactions with subtle cues and 58 people watching clips without such cues, and predicted more money won by 35 semiprofessional poker players." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/new-partner-cheated-should-you-stay/", "title": "Should I stay if my new partner cheats?", "summary": "Stay only if your partner tells you the whole truth, takes real responsibility and does the slow work of repair, and only if you would choose them even without your kids, your history or the fear of starting over. After a divorce there is more on the scale, which is exactly why it helps to weigh each piece on its own.", "section": "what-you-are-carrying", "author": "Anthony R.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-01", "updated": "2026-10-01", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/what-you-are-carrying/new-partner-cheated-should-you-stay/", "sources": [ { "title": "Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education", "url": "https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4012696/", "publisher": "Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice (via PubMed Central)", "date": "2013", "supports": "Scott, Rhoades, Stanley, Allen and Markman interviewed 52 divorced people who had taken part in a premarital education program. Infidelity was cited as a reason for the divorce by 59.6% of individuals. The most commonly reported 'final straw' reasons were infidelity, domestic violence and substance use." }, { "title": "Family Instability and Child Well-Being", "url": "https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/03/070329145709.htm", "publisher": "ScienceDaily (reporting Fomby and Cherlin, American Sociological Review)", "date": "2007-03", "supports": "Paula Fomby and Andrew Cherlin found that children who went through more transitions in family structure (parents' partners moving in or out, marriages and breakups) were more likely to have behavior problems, including delinquent behavior, and had lower average math and reading scores than children in stable families." }, { "title": "Commitment and its theorized determinants: A meta-analysis of the Investment Model", "url": "https://scholarship.haverford.edu/psychology_facpubs/108", "publisher": "Personal Relationships (Haverford College Scholarship)", "date": "2003", "supports": "Benjamin Le and Christopher Agnew pooled 52 studies with more than 11,000 participants. Satisfaction, the quality of alternatives and the size of investments in a relationship each predicted commitment, and more committed relationships were more stable." }, { "title": "The effects of co-parenting relationships with ex-spouses on couples in step-families", "url": "https://aifs.gov.au/research/family-matters/no-92/effects-co-parenting-relationships-ex-spouses-couples-step-families", "publisher": "Family Matters (Australian Institute of Family Studies)", "date": "2013", "supports": "Cartwright and Gibson describe evidence from U.S. studies that co-parenting relationships between former spouses can deteriorate after a step-parent joins the family, with less frequent co-parental interaction, less parenting support from the former spouse and more negative attitudes toward them, adding stress for all family members." }, { "title": "Talk. Test. Treat. Individuals", "url": "https://www.cdc.gov/sti-awareness/talktesttreat/individuals.html", "publisher": "Centers for Disease Control and Prevention", "date": "2024", "supports": "Not all medical checkups include STI testing, so do not assume you have been tested unless you discuss it with your provider, and bring up testing if your provider does not. All STIs are preventable and treatable, and most are curable." } ] }, { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/co-parenting-and-boundaries/worrying-about-a-reply-on-custody-weeks/", "title": "How long should I wait before I worry about a reply?", "summary": "When you're both co-parenting, check the custody calendar before you check your fears: a slow evening on their kid week is usually just a kid week. Worry becomes useful when silence breaks a pattern you've seen across a couple of full custody cycles, or a plan disappears without a word.", "section": "co-parenting-and-boundaries", "author": "Craig B.", "reviewer": null, "published": "2026-10-01", "updated": "2026-10-01", "canonical": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/co-parenting-and-boundaries/worrying-about-a-reply-on-custody-weeks/", "sources": [ { "title": "Increases in shared custody after divorce in the United States", "url": "https://www.demographic-research.org/volumes/vol46/38/", "publisher": "Demographic Research", "date": "2022-06", "supports": "Daniel Meyer, Marcia Carlson and Md Moshi Ul Alam found that the likelihood of shared physical custody after divorce in the U.S. more than doubled, from 13% before 1985 to 34% in 2010 to 2014." }, { "title": "Communication Technology and Postdivorce Coparenting", "url": "https://scholars.unh.edu/famstud_facpub/47", "publisher": "Family Relations (University of New Hampshire Scholars' Repository)", "date": "2012", "supports": "Qualitative study of 49 divorced coparents by Ganong, Coleman, Feistman, Jamison and Stafford Markham. Cooperative coparents used texting and email to coordinate and plan; contentious coparents used the same tools to reduce conflict, withhold information, limit the other parent's input and try to influence the other parent's behavior." }, { "title": "Reply Speed as Nonverbal Cue in Text Messaging With a Read Receipt Display Function", "url": "https://www.igi-global.com/article/reply-speed-as-nonverbal-cue-in-text-messaging-with-a-read-receipt-display-function/239530/", "publisher": "International Journal of Technology and Human Interaction (IGI Global)", "date": "2020", "supports": "Kato, Kato and Ozawa surveyed 213 female college students in Japan. Negative emotions (sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt) arose significantly sooner when waiting for a reply to a message marked as read than to an unread one, and sooner still among people more dependent on messaging." }, { "title": "Generalized Anxiety Disorder: When Worry Gets Out of Control", "url": "https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad?rf=53414", "publisher": "National Institute of Mental Health", "date": "n.d.", "supports": "If you frequently worry or feel anxious, especially if it interferes with daily activities, talk to a health care provider such as a primary care doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist or clinical social worker. Most people get better with treatment." } ] } ], "experts": [ { "name": "Eli J. Finkel", "labels": [ "Credentialed source" ], "profiles": [ { "platform": "X", "handle": "@EliJFinkel", "url": "https://x.com/EliJFinkel" } ], "credential": "Professor of Psychology and of Management and Organizations, Northwestern University; director of the Relationships and Motivation Lab", "credentialSource": "https://www.kellogg.northwestern.edu/faculty/directory/finkel_eli/", "focus": "Research on how modern marriage and long term relationships work, and what partners expect from each other.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01", "sites": [ "datingpatterns.com", "datinginyour30s.com", "datinginyour40s.com", "datingagainafterdivorce.com" ] }, { "name": "Esther Perel", "labels": [ "Trending voice" ], "profiles": [ { "platform": "Instagram", "handle": "@estherperelofficial", "url": "https://www.instagram.com/estherperelofficial/" }, { "platform": "TikTok", "handle": "@estherperel_official", "url": "https://www.tiktok.com/@estherperel_official" } ], "credential": null, "credentialSource": null, "focus": "Desire, infidelity and the tensions inside long term relationships, often through real couples sessions on her podcast.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01", "sites": [ "datingpatterns.com", "datinginyour30s.com", "datinginyour40s.com", "singleinyour50s.com", "datingagainafterdivorce.com" ] }, { "name": "Julie Menanno", "labels": [ "Credentialed source", "Trending voice" ], "profiles": [ { "platform": "Instagram", "handle": "@thesecurerelationship", "url": "https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship/" }, { "platform": "TikTok", "handle": "@thesecurerelationship", "url": "https://www.tiktok.com/@thesecurerelationship" } ], "credential": "Licensed marriage and family therapist (MA, LMFT, LCPC); author of Secure Love", "credentialSource": "https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Secure-Love/Julie-Menanno/9781668012888", "focus": "How couples get stuck in conflict cycles and how to feel secure with a partner.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01", "sites": [ "datingpatterns.com", "datinginyour30s.com", "datinginyour40s.com", "datingagainafterdivorce.com" ] }, { "name": "Kate Anthony", "labels": [ "Trending voice" ], "profiles": [ { "platform": "Instagram", "handle": "@thedivorcesurvivalguide", "url": "https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcesurvivalguide/" }, { "platform": "TikTok", "handle": "@thedivorcesurvivalguide", "url": "https://www.tiktok.com/@thedivorcesurvivalguide" } ], "credential": null, "credentialSource": null, "focus": "Coaching and podcast conversations for women deciding whether to stay in or leave a marriage, and rebuilding life after divorce.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01", "sites": [ "datingpatterns.com", "datingagainafterdivorce.com", "datinginyour40s.com", "singleinyour40s.com", "singleinyour50s.com" ] }, { "name": "Lori Gottlieb", "labels": [ "Credentialed source" ], "profiles": [ { "platform": "Instagram", "handle": "@lorigottlieb_author", "url": "https://www.instagram.com/lorigottlieb_author/" } ], "credential": "Psychotherapist; author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone and The Atlantic's Dear Therapist column", "credentialSource": "https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/239394/lori-gottlieb/", "focus": "What happens in the therapy room, including breakups, dating choices and the stories people tell about love.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01", "sites": [ "datingpatterns.com", "datinginyour30s.com", "datinginyour40s.com", "singleinyour30.com", "singleinyour40s.com", "datingagainafterdivorce.com" ] }, { "name": "Pepper Schwartz", "labels": [ "Credentialed source" ], "profiles": [ { "platform": "Instagram", "handle": "@dr_pepper_schwartz", "url": "https://www.instagram.com/dr_pepper_schwartz/" } ], "credential": "Sociologist (PhD, Yale); Professor Emerita of Sociology, University of Washington", "credentialSource": "https://soc.washington.edu/people/pepper-schwartz", "focus": "Research and writing on love, sex and relationships, including dating and partnership later in life.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01", "sites": [ "datingpatterns.com", "singleinyour50s.com", "singleinyour60s.com", "datinginyour40s.com", "singleinyour40s.com", "datingagainafterdivorce.com" ] }, { "name": "Ramani Durvasula", "labels": [ "Credentialed source", "Trending voice" ], "profiles": [ { "platform": "Instagram", "handle": "@doctorramani", "url": "https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/" }, { "platform": "TikTok", "handle": "@doctorramani", "url": "https://www.tiktok.com/@doctorramani" } ], "credential": "Licensed clinical psychologist; Professor Emerita of Psychology, California State University, Los Angeles", "credentialSource": "https://doctor-ramani.com/about/", "focus": "Narcissistic and high conflict relationships, and recovering after leaving one.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01", "sites": [ "datingpatterns.com", "datinginyour20s.com", "datinginyour30s.com", "datinginyour40s.com", "datingagainafterdivorce.com" ] }, { "name": "Paul C. Brunson", "labels": [ "Trending voice" ], "profiles": [ { "platform": "Instagram", "handle": "@paulcbrunson", "url": "https://www.instagram.com/paulcbrunson/" }, { "platform": "TikTok", "handle": "@paulcbrunson", "url": "https://www.tiktok.com/@paulcbrunson" } ], "credential": null, "credentialSource": null, "focus": "Matchmaker, TV host and author who talks about finding and keeping love, modern dating trends, and relationships at every stage of life.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01", "sites": [ "datingpatterns.com", "datinginyour30s.com", "datinginyour40s.com", "singleinyour40s.com", "singleinyour50s.com", "datingagainafterdivorce.com" ] } ], "figures": [ { "id": "apps-all", "value": "30%", "statement": "of U.S. adults have ever used a dating site or app.", "source": { "publisher": "Pew Research Center", "title": "The who, where and why of online dating in the U.S.", "year": "2023", "sample": "6,034 U.S. adults, July 2022", "url": "https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/02/02/the-who-where-and-why-of-online-dating-in-the-u-s/" } }, { "id": "not-looking", "value": "Half", "statement": "of single U.S. adults are not looking for a relationship or dates right now.", "source": { "publisher": "Pew Research Center", "title": "A profile of single Americans", "year": "2020", "sample": "U.S. adults, 2019 survey", "url": "https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/" } }, { "id": "burnout", "value": "78%", "statement": "of recent dating app users have felt burned out by the apps at least sometimes.", "source": { "publisher": "Forbes Health and OnePoll", "title": "Dating app burnout survey", "year": "2024", "sample": "1,000 U.S. adults who used a dating app in the past year", "url": "https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-app-fatigue/" } }, { "id": "ai-all", "value": "39%", "statement": "of U.S. singles have used AI somewhere in their dating lives, most often for messages and profiles.", "source": { "publisher": "Kinsey Institute and Match, Singles in America", "title": "15th annual Singles in America study", "year": "2026", "sample": "About 5,000 U.S. singles", "url": "https://mtch.com/news/match-unveils-15th-annual-singles-in-america-study/" } } ], "reading": [ { "title": "Dating After a Breakup", "url": "https://www.gottman.com/blog/dating-after-a-breakup/", "publisher": "The Gottman Institute", "author": null, "year": null, "section": "dating-again", "why": "Advice on not rushing, meeting in person sooner, and keeping your ex out of early dates.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01" }, { "title": "Self-Compassion Eases the Pain of a Divorce", "url": "https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/self-compassion_eases_the_pain_of_a_divorce", "publisher": "Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley", "author": null, "year": null, "section": "brutal-ending", "why": "Research showing that people who treat themselves kindly after divorce recover with less distress.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01" }, { "title": "Understanding the 5 Stages of Grief After a Breakup", "url": "https://health.clevelandclinic.org/stages-of-grief-breakup", "publisher": "Cleveland Clinic", "author": null, "year": null, "section": "loneliness-after", "why": "Frames the loneliness after a split as part of grief and explains why avoiding it keeps you stuck.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01" }, { "title": "Healthy divorce: How to make your split as smooth as possible", "url": "https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce-child-custody/healthy", "publisher": "American Psychological Association", "author": null, "year": null, "section": "what-you-are-carrying", "why": "Psychologists explain the anger, grief and fear divorce stirs up and how to manage them without lasting damage.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01" }, { "title": "Tips for Co-Parenting After Divorce", "url": "https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/parenting/tips-for-co-parenting-after-divorce/", "publisher": "Mayo Clinic Press", "author": null, "year": null, "section": "co-parenting-and-boundaries", "why": "Practical rules for communicating with an ex, keeping schedules steady, and shielding kids from conflict.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01" }, { "title": "Making stepfamilies work", "url": "https://www.apa.org/topics/families/stepfamily", "publisher": "American Psychological Association", "author": null, "year": null, "section": "co-parenting-and-boundaries", "why": "What helps when a new partner joins a family with children, including how a new adult should ease in.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01" }, { "title": "How to Heal from Past Relationships", "url": "https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-heal-from-past-relationships/", "publisher": "The Gottman Institute", "author": null, "year": null, "section": "patterns", "why": "Guidance on working through old relationship wounds so they shape your next relationship less.", "lastChecked": "2026-10-01" } ], "quiz": { "url": "https://datingagainafterdivorce.com/quiz/", "axes": [ { "id": 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